Few mistakes of my life...

Location:Anonymous hotel in Dubai.
Date:March 24th, 2010
Time:12:45 hours[approx].

I was shaking hands with a colleague, when he has come to his shift. He asked me,"Gaurav, whenever you shake hands, do it strongly, have a good grip, why so softly?". I smiled. He then said,"What does this indicate??". I replied, "One shaking hand softly, indicates lack of confidence". He smiled & told me, "Well, you know it, why do you do such mistakes". I started making a move from the kitchen, putting my *fake* smile on, "Well, people commit mistakes, mostly knowingly, & seldom unknowingly".

***

Mistakes we all do, for the sake of learning from our mistakes."To err is human"--Human beings commit mistakes or rather subjected to commit mistakes. Take this example of handshake or for example, marriage of people. They get married thinking of they found the right partner in their life, but ultimately, when things are not within ones control, they find they got married to the *right mistake* of their life...
Pretty often I have committed mistakes,screwed up things & later realised what I should not have done & what I should have done instead. Sometimes a spark is enough to cause a hazard, so is a mistake. When I was in elementary school, I always preferred to sit in the aisle seat, as it was easier for me to put my legs out[Come on, I have to show supremacy, as because I am Leo!!]. But who would know that a small thing will lead me to be suspended for a day & later parents being summoned to school??

After a couple of years, I was being accused of abusing my school principal. Certainly, I didn't!! However, few of my classmates formed a group against me and day & night they had only one work-conspiring against me. Every word I used to utter & every actions were closely monitored & then a conspiracy against me. Bad thing was that they used to tell my mother about all those. I was afraid of my mother since childhood [hopefully, no more :) ]. My mistake was trust. I trust people easily, but of late I have learnt & have been learning how to believe people, less!! I used to believe them & never knew that they are just finding ways to backstab me.

Again few years later, when I had keen interest in Numerology & Palmistry, one of my friends gave me idea,"Why not make money out of your talent?"..I said, "Ok..fine". I started a small business, but this was not taken in good taste by few of my classmates [or jealous classmates??]. What they did, was that they complained it to the teacher??And then???Being jeopardised in front of all classmates. I wish I had not done that...

Days went, months went on & so the years...sometimes, I have acted foolish, sometimes crazy, sometimes eccentric & sometimes intellectual, intelligent & meritorious..& sometimes too talkative. Most of the report cards used to have ,"Gaurav is most talkative boy in the class, but he is intelligent & bla bla...". It did not matter to me...but in the long run, I felt its disadvantage. Too much of talking is not good---a bengali proverb, in English would mean, "One who speaks too much--speaks rubbish". But still..I couldn't get over it..

Regarding matters of *heart*[I think when the word is asterisked, I dont need to explain in detail], I have been a little foolish, un-intelligent, inexperienced & so on & so forth. Whenever, I have liked a girl, I took an extra time & may be when I was ready to express, I was afraid. In school, I was afraid that if my parents get to know, I was sure to be whipped [Though my mom was open to it, provided I could afford to do well in examinations]. Also I have been fussy with girls. Here is this difference with my best friend Samrat. Suppose, we both will never like one girl at one time. If I find a beautiful girl, Samrat will certainly never find any beauty in that girl [though it gives temporal relief, as I will be alone in the competition ;) ]. I remember, when we were in High School, Samrat used to like a girl, who I could never like, except being a friend. Similarly, I was a secret admirer of another girl, who was not as per Samrat's criterion...even when I was in a BPO, I used to like a girl, in who Samrat couldn't find anything..
Anyways, coming back to it, in matters of *heart* I have been little analytical, sometimes indifferent. My friend commented, "One day your indifference will kill you". May be...may be its a mistake I am committing & I will try to get out of it...

Few mistakes in employment too. I remember, I was working with Hotel Grand Hyatt-a mammoth in Mumbai, India. Pay was low, & living in Mumbai with low salary was really difficult. My mother used to send me money, so that I can live an easy life. Still I wanted to move out of country, I started applying for companies overseas & came the offer from Atlantis, in the Palm Jumeirah, Dubai. I put my resignation, without any confirmation about the visa. I returned Kolkata, waiting for the visa & after a long wait for two months....the company said its not in a position to hire anymore..Was it a mistake???Or Blunder???I learnt from this mistake & then onwards, always put my resignation on receiving the visa.

Ultimately, mistakes on making friends. Unfortunately, I am quite open to all & easily trust people. Simply, if someone tells a kid "I will give you toffee, if you do this for me etc"--I am like that. Sometimes I trust people so much & in the end find myself that I am nowhere & I was being cheated all along..since day 1--I met him/her.

A question I always ask myself--"Do I learn from my mistakes???". My brain says, "I am supposed to learn.." whilst my heart says, "I am meant to learn..."