[Caveat:If you are a staunch anti-hindu/atheist, please dont go forward & waste your time. If you dont believe in miracles, or believe that destiny cannot be changed, even by the almighty, are advised not to proceed forward--you must have some other good job to do.]
I remember visiting Yogodyan Math, a branch of Ramakrishna Math & Mission in the month of January, to meet Shreemat Swami Gahananandaji Maharaj-ji, for receiving the Holy Mantra of Shree Ramakrishna. Maharaj-ji looked at me, specially my forehead & my feet, when my maternal aunt introduced me to Him & expressed that I am interested in receiving the mantra of Shree Ramakrishna.
Maharaj-ji said, "Ok, thats fine, you come to the office, after you have lunch here."
After having prasaad, we went to the Office & spoke to Prashanta Maharaj & asked about initiation. He went through my application, I was 13 yrs old then, almost went through all the books of Shree Ramakrishna, Shree Shree Ma & Swami Vivekananda. Prashanta Maharaj-ji said, its fine,& gave me a form to fill-up, however, there was a glitch. It also needs my father's signature for permission!!! However, made some false promises to my father & I got it..
I went to Yogodyan Math the following month with my mother & submitted my form. I was given two dates--one for an interview & other date for the Initiation.I still remember those dates, 15th February 1999 & 17th February 1999 respectively.
Another problem this time, in those 2 dates, we had computer practicals for the final examinations. I told my teacher, that I have some *unavoidable ceremonies* to attend. Ultimately. she changed the exam dates for me & took my exams before the dates.
On 17th February, 1999, I got up at 4 am in the morning. I had some butter, some sugar candy & went to Yogodyan Math. It was a different experience, I cant describe in words!!My mother helped me in wearing the dhoti, which I was wearing for the first time in my life...
Revered Maharaj-ji came in the room & told us why there is a need for a initiation. After we offered a handful of flowers to Shri Ramakrishna, for all the good deeds & bad deeds of this life & past life, Revered Maharaj-ji gave us the Holy Mantra of Shri Ramakrishna.
I was so close to the mantra...I thought that the mantra will be like that, except a few words...
We offered our pranaams to Gurudev & had prasaad there..
***
Soon after my initiation, I was ill. I was suffering from poor health. Co-incidentally, my Gurudev was also ill. He had cardiac issues, was admitted to AIMS for a bypass surgery, few of His arteries were also replaced. I was feeling bad, thinking that did he take my disease from me??I was getting better gradually & so was he. I went to Nepal for holidays with my family, & when we returned, got to know that Gurudev is doing good & was staying in Ramakrishna Mission Institute of Culture, close to my house.It was a good news to me, as I could visit Gurudev everyday--even if the city is washed away with rains, I was determined to visit him, with some chocolates.
I remember the last day during his stay in the institute, we could touch his feet.
Thereafter, I used to visit him quite frequently. He would ask me in a gesture how I am doing? I used to reply, "I am alright, how about you?". I never got into much of religious discussion. Often, I used to get angry those days...I went to Gurudev & asked him, "How can I control my anger?", He told me manythings, but what I still remember,"When you know you are getting angry, you can control it yourself!!"
Often he used to quote Mundak Upanishad "Satyameva Jayate Naanritam"--Its the truth that triumphs, not falsehood.
Before appearing for exams, any religious occasion/festival at home, I always used to seek his blessings so that the event is successful & it used to be. I remember, when I was in class-8, it was becoming difficult for me to memorise my studies, specially during my exams. I sent him a letter asking what to do. Though his reply was late, still, his advice was wonderful. He advised me "Try to memorise & write it down immediately. You will never forget". It still works, so simple!!
Once I took some homegrown flowers & Bilvaleaves for him for offering him a Pushpanjali, privately. I started doing it, taking his permission.He asked me, "Who taught you this?". I said, "No one", & He remained silent.
He would always bless me by touching my forehead or my head. Often will rub his hands gently on my head, when I used to shave my head [An odd habit of late].
However, days kept on passing, when I thought of cooking something for Gurudev---a desire I had for many days. I cooked "Payasam" for him. Later I got the feedback from his secretary that it was good. Else, rest of the time, I would take chocolates for him.
In 2005, He was elected as the President of Ramakrishna Mission--virtually it means pranaams from a distance. But for him, he had no boundaries. His love for all, his blessings for all... In that year, during Durga Puja, I got some flowers to offer to Devi Durga, but offered those flowers to Gurudev, considering him to be "Durga" in her human form...
Since, 2006 my visits to him came down-due to a lot of reasons.Due to a setback in my studies, I was feeling bad to go out. Still, once in a while...
On September 4th, 2007, Gurudev was severely ill & was admitted to Ramakrishna Mission Seva Pratisthan, where he worked as a Secretary for more than 20 years. I was crying the whole day. He was having severe convulsion, due to Parkinson's, septicaemia etc reasons. I wanted him to recover in few days, however, my wish will not change Gurudev's wish. After a week or so, his secretary used to sit in Room No.10 of the same hospital & gave us his news, possibility of recovery & his condition then.
On 17th September, 2007, some arrangements were made where we could see Gurudev live in television. I used to visit everyday after my college hours. During that time, my daily schedule was like attend classes from 9 am to 5pm, visit hospital from 5:30 pm to 6:30 & work from 8:30 pm to 1 am. Despite such hectic schedule, I made it a point to visit him everyday. I was very much worried about such condition, where there is hardly any recovery; Gurudev didn't respond to any of the medications that have been applied on him. Such condition remained for 2 weeks & suddenly the condition deteriorated badly. Doctors gave up hope--- my heart bursted with tears. Is there no hope??? Will Shri Ramakrishna not listen to me??? Will He not listen to the wish of thousands & lakhs of devotees??? Shri Ramakrishna gave us a ray of hope----in a day or two, there were signs of recovery & good news was that Gurudev was shifted to General Ward. Provision was made for a daily Darshan in the evening. I used to visit everyday. For his recovery, I conducted Vishnu Sahasranaam Paath, daily Maha Mrityunjaymantra Jap, & also Devi Mahatmyam Recitation. At the end of Puja, I used to give the "prasaadi" flowers to his secretary so that he can keep those flowers closer to his head. One of my friends told me to conduct a small remedy for Gurudev, by which his recovery will be assured. However, it didn't fetch any results. I continued doing so. I recollect once I dreamt of massaging Gurudev's lotus feet, but never got an opportunity to do so in reality. However, by performing these remedies, I could render some service to Gurudev.
After 1½ months of being admitted to the hospital, his condition remained unchanged. I continued performing those remedies, but no results. During that time, I was also suffering from acute arthritis, multiple joint pains etc. Coincidentally, the day Gurudev was terribly ill, on the same day my physical condition was equally bad. I remember on 1st November I had a campus interview in college & I could hardly move that day. Once I returned home, I lied down in the bed & could hardly move. Later I came to know, that Gurudev's condition was critical that day.
3rd November, 2007, Saturday---My health was very bad that day; still I went to RKM Sevapratisthan & continue the remedies. I asked Gurudev's Secretary Maharaj-ji about his condition to which he replied, "There is hardly any chance of recovery; Gradually his condition is worsening". With a gloomy mood, I returned home.
4th November, 2007, Sunday--- I couldn't do Mahamrityunjaya Mantra for Gurudev that day. As usual I was having multiple joint pains that day. In the evening I was scheduled to attend an office meet, before which I planned to visit RKM Sevapratisthan. However, my ill health didn't allow me to do so. I left for the office meet, but on my way I got the news of Gurudev-that he left his mortal body in the evening. Perhaps I never cried so much, as I cried for him.
Now almost 11 years have passed, since my initiation. What I gained?? Perhaps, many things, I learnt how not get angry, how to always calm down, how to think for others...but lost??Yes, I lost Gurudev. Wherever, I go, I always feel him in me, but can I see him?Yes, when I do meditation!! Once our family was supposed to relocate to Chennai, as my father got transfer orders. But Gurudev was in his mortal form. I told him, "I dont want to go anywhere, until you are in mortal form", he said, "You can see when you meditate", still, I was determined. Later the transfer order was cancelled.
In 2006, when I lost one year in studies, I got an offer from HSBC, but in Vizag. The same thought, I will not go anywhere, as long as Gurudev was in form. In a week, the offer was from Kolkata, instead of Vizag. Astrologically, I am never meant to work in hometown, but I worked as long as he was in his mortal form.I left my service, once he passed away...
Since then, I never got an opportunity to work in my hometown, but wherever I go, I carry his picture with me & the memories..
A request to God, "I am ready for rebirth, should I get my gurudev in my every birth...." :(
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