Part IV
Finding Neil's Own Love...
Last week after I came back from London, Neil came to visit me in Abu Dhabi. It's been longtime, that I met him. He came with his usual disheveled look--wearing a worn down T-shirt, a torn denim & God knows for many days he didn't shave (forget about his haircut even...).
After having lunch together, as I prepared his favorite, Duck, we were chatting over with some Port. "I have fallen in love again", Neil told me, almost like whispering. I was not surprised, as Neil almost loved many girls--but none of them were meant for him. "Who is it now?", while pouring some more Port and getting some more cheese for him, I asked him.
"Her name is Stephanie. We were in the same university, she was just a couple of years junior to me. I had a crush on her for longtime, but never mind, she had a boyfriend back then. As my moral ethics tell me, not to interfere when someone is in a relationship. So did I....but in the back of my mind, I intend to desire her.
"As years passed, I moved to Kent from Auckland. Though I had in my mind, little I could do than messaging through social networking websites, Facebook for example. I had a feeling that she likes me as well..but was never sure though--until I asked her out. Even though, when I would go to visit my family in Auckland on vacation, we never saw each other--all we could do is just text. She was also shy to meet me I guess or just was feeling awkward.
"Then came the day, when we actually met each other. I was really looking forward to meet her. Though it was not something special but then that day was very special for me. It was some unrecorded date in my calender in 2012. We had some coffee in an anonymous coffee shop talking about *our* work. And then later some fried dimsums in the food court. Of course, my eyes must have told her, that I am very much interested in her--to know her more, to desire her & to love her!! But what touched me the most, when she texted me once I returned home, "I had a great time with you"--it melted my heart...".
With my same monotonous tone, I summed it up with a "Hmmmmmmm" (people who know me, must be familiar with this ... :) ).
We finished our cheese. Time for some signature crepe suzette. Neil was really tipsy after drinking so much of Champagne, premium Bordeaux and now some Sauternes as well....there was an awkward silence in the kitchen, except the occasional strikes of the pan on the stove.
"Carry on with your story...", I broke the silence.
"Well, I went home again after that in about 3 months, during Christmas, but she seemed to be busy. She was not in Auckland but in Christchurch--her family was there so she went to visit them. Well, I really wanted to meet her & express my feelings for her..but then just told myself, "Take your time..know her more. Know her well...you don't know if she is single!!"
"After Christmas, I switched jobs and moved to Surrey. I had a better job, better salary & better lifestyle. We were just chatting frequently over Facebook and would often feel like "She is my girl...". Oneday she was just ranting over Facebook saying she would close the account & kind of told me, that just for me she would get whatsapp! I dont know if she was just joking with me or really wanted to stay in touch with me.
"Valentine's Day came and I proposed her, alas through whatsapp"...there was a pause in his story. As you all know, when I hear such stories, I get inquisitive. So I asked him, "So what did she say??Yes ..or No??"
"Hahaha, well, initially she must have been surprised or didn't expect this. Or worst, she was not even into me--can be anything. But then she just asked me, if I was being serious. Well, I was damn serious to ask her, "Be my valentine forever..."
"But then loving someone who doesn't love you is like waiting for a ship in the airport. Back of my mind again or as you'd say, "The smaller voice within", was telling me, "Go for it. You will not regret. Chances are that she will be yours forever...". I listened to my heart & made every effort to prove it to her that I really want to be with her.
"In the meanwhile she told me that she needs sometime to think about it, as she was doubtful about my intentions..short-term, long-term, one night stand..or whatever it is. And then came the day that I was worrying about--what are the complications that may arise. "You are protestant and we are catholic. My father will never accept a protestant as his son-in-law. None of my family members will accept it gracefully".
"My heart just shattered into pieces. Though I was expecting such controversy to arise, but such excuses. Once being rejected for being a christian and now being rejected for being a protestant..what else do I need to experience in my life? Will the next excuse be "You are a human being..so my parents will not accept that. They accept only Martians!!.....", Neil toned down.
The desserts were ready to be served. "So, end of the story..right?", I asked Neil while plating the crepes.
"Hahahahaha," Neil bursts out with his usual laughter. "No my friend...But Gaurav, I take inspiration from you, whenever you say, "Hope is the secret of survival in human beings", I never lost hope. I was just being quiet for about a week & lamenting on my condition. And then, with full throttle I again started showing my affection & interest to her. May be, I was just obvious, but honestly a single moment has hardly passed without thinking of her. In due course, whatever was going through in my life, I was informing her. However, I felt like I need to change my job. I want to have my own family--wife, kids etc. I want to give them sometime. I must quit software companies & go for greener pastures. But then all these years, I have been wanting to know or get who my soulmate is.
"The more she brought up several complications to me, my love for her was just growing beyond. Only thing I couldn't do is express myself, that how much I love her. Her charming & mischievous smile, her soft cheeks, her luscious lips, her beautiful face, her tone, her tastes of music, her affection for me...and she as a whole human being--I fell in love with. Often, I would ask myself, "Is this the one you want?", when my inner voice will echo, "She is the one, she is the one and she is the one".
"As you are aware, I changed jobs from software to fashion industry. More money, better lifestyle. If I have to choose a girl--it was plenty...more than I will ever see in my entire life. But I was whole-heartedly committed to her.
"I met her again in October this year. And then we went for dinner together in anonymous restaurant. I enjoyed & I always enjoy her company. Though she was telling me get married to someone else, I know that I will never be happy if I marry who I actually never loved. I had the feeling always, all complications can be brushed aside only in course of time. Whilst coming back to Surrey, I asked her if she could come to the airport. She works in the IT Sector & her office was quite close the airport. To my surprise, she did & I gave her a box of chocolates which I bought only for her."
After hearing all these stories, all I could say is a loud and the monotonous "Hmmmm..and then?"
"Then what?", Neil said. "We like each other definitely. I love her the most & to me she is the world. I have a feeling that her arrival in my life is the dawn of my fortune and I never want the sun of my fortune to set ever. If she is unhappy, I will be mentally disturbed. If she is happy, I will be so cheerful. If she is upset with me, I will never have a good sleep. I will always wake up thinking of her ...and same when I go to sleep. However, when it comes to marriage, I will not force her. I leave that as her choice, whatever makes her happy. At the end of the day, it is her happiness that is what matters to me the most. Definitely, I will be upset !! But you cannot change destiny, can you?"
Well, I agree with Neil. Sometimes our life, our character, our behavior is ruled by destiny. So what can I wish for Neil? Will Neil & Stephanie be together forever? May be yes--when two hearts want to be together, when two hearts melt for each other, who can stop? Will the Almighty be cruel & rude to them, if their love/like is pure? I leave that upto my Lord & my readers to comment on....
(To be continued.....)
Finding Neil's Own Love...
Last week after I came back from London, Neil came to visit me in Abu Dhabi. It's been longtime, that I met him. He came with his usual disheveled look--wearing a worn down T-shirt, a torn denim & God knows for many days he didn't shave (forget about his haircut even...).
After having lunch together, as I prepared his favorite, Duck, we were chatting over with some Port. "I have fallen in love again", Neil told me, almost like whispering. I was not surprised, as Neil almost loved many girls--but none of them were meant for him. "Who is it now?", while pouring some more Port and getting some more cheese for him, I asked him.
"Her name is Stephanie. We were in the same university, she was just a couple of years junior to me. I had a crush on her for longtime, but never mind, she had a boyfriend back then. As my moral ethics tell me, not to interfere when someone is in a relationship. So did I....but in the back of my mind, I intend to desire her.
"As years passed, I moved to Kent from Auckland. Though I had in my mind, little I could do than messaging through social networking websites, Facebook for example. I had a feeling that she likes me as well..but was never sure though--until I asked her out. Even though, when I would go to visit my family in Auckland on vacation, we never saw each other--all we could do is just text. She was also shy to meet me I guess or just was feeling awkward.
"Then came the day, when we actually met each other. I was really looking forward to meet her. Though it was not something special but then that day was very special for me. It was some unrecorded date in my calender in 2012. We had some coffee in an anonymous coffee shop talking about *our* work. And then later some fried dimsums in the food court. Of course, my eyes must have told her, that I am very much interested in her--to know her more, to desire her & to love her!! But what touched me the most, when she texted me once I returned home, "I had a great time with you"--it melted my heart...".
With my same monotonous tone, I summed it up with a "Hmmmmmmm" (people who know me, must be familiar with this ... :) ).
We finished our cheese. Time for some signature crepe suzette. Neil was really tipsy after drinking so much of Champagne, premium Bordeaux and now some Sauternes as well....there was an awkward silence in the kitchen, except the occasional strikes of the pan on the stove.
"Carry on with your story...", I broke the silence.
"Well, I went home again after that in about 3 months, during Christmas, but she seemed to be busy. She was not in Auckland but in Christchurch--her family was there so she went to visit them. Well, I really wanted to meet her & express my feelings for her..but then just told myself, "Take your time..know her more. Know her well...you don't know if she is single!!"
"After Christmas, I switched jobs and moved to Surrey. I had a better job, better salary & better lifestyle. We were just chatting frequently over Facebook and would often feel like "She is my girl...". Oneday she was just ranting over Facebook saying she would close the account & kind of told me, that just for me she would get whatsapp! I dont know if she was just joking with me or really wanted to stay in touch with me.
"Valentine's Day came and I proposed her, alas through whatsapp"...there was a pause in his story. As you all know, when I hear such stories, I get inquisitive. So I asked him, "So what did she say??Yes ..or No??"
"Hahaha, well, initially she must have been surprised or didn't expect this. Or worst, she was not even into me--can be anything. But then she just asked me, if I was being serious. Well, I was damn serious to ask her, "Be my valentine forever..."
"But then loving someone who doesn't love you is like waiting for a ship in the airport. Back of my mind again or as you'd say, "The smaller voice within", was telling me, "Go for it. You will not regret. Chances are that she will be yours forever...". I listened to my heart & made every effort to prove it to her that I really want to be with her.
"In the meanwhile she told me that she needs sometime to think about it, as she was doubtful about my intentions..short-term, long-term, one night stand..or whatever it is. And then came the day that I was worrying about--what are the complications that may arise. "You are protestant and we are catholic. My father will never accept a protestant as his son-in-law. None of my family members will accept it gracefully"."My heart just shattered into pieces. Though I was expecting such controversy to arise, but such excuses. Once being rejected for being a christian and now being rejected for being a protestant..what else do I need to experience in my life? Will the next excuse be "You are a human being..so my parents will not accept that. They accept only Martians!!.....", Neil toned down.
The desserts were ready to be served. "So, end of the story..right?", I asked Neil while plating the crepes.
"Hahahahaha," Neil bursts out with his usual laughter. "No my friend...But Gaurav, I take inspiration from you, whenever you say, "Hope is the secret of survival in human beings", I never lost hope. I was just being quiet for about a week & lamenting on my condition. And then, with full throttle I again started showing my affection & interest to her. May be, I was just obvious, but honestly a single moment has hardly passed without thinking of her. In due course, whatever was going through in my life, I was informing her. However, I felt like I need to change my job. I want to have my own family--wife, kids etc. I want to give them sometime. I must quit software companies & go for greener pastures. But then all these years, I have been wanting to know or get who my soulmate is.
"The more she brought up several complications to me, my love for her was just growing beyond. Only thing I couldn't do is express myself, that how much I love her. Her charming & mischievous smile, her soft cheeks, her luscious lips, her beautiful face, her tone, her tastes of music, her affection for me...and she as a whole human being--I fell in love with. Often, I would ask myself, "Is this the one you want?", when my inner voice will echo, "She is the one, she is the one and she is the one".
"As you are aware, I changed jobs from software to fashion industry. More money, better lifestyle. If I have to choose a girl--it was plenty...more than I will ever see in my entire life. But I was whole-heartedly committed to her.
"I met her again in October this year. And then we went for dinner together in anonymous restaurant. I enjoyed & I always enjoy her company. Though she was telling me get married to someone else, I know that I will never be happy if I marry who I actually never loved. I had the feeling always, all complications can be brushed aside only in course of time. Whilst coming back to Surrey, I asked her if she could come to the airport. She works in the IT Sector & her office was quite close the airport. To my surprise, she did & I gave her a box of chocolates which I bought only for her."
After hearing all these stories, all I could say is a loud and the monotonous "Hmmmm..and then?"
"Then what?", Neil said. "We like each other definitely. I love her the most & to me she is the world. I have a feeling that her arrival in my life is the dawn of my fortune and I never want the sun of my fortune to set ever. If she is unhappy, I will be mentally disturbed. If she is happy, I will be so cheerful. If she is upset with me, I will never have a good sleep. I will always wake up thinking of her ...and same when I go to sleep. However, when it comes to marriage, I will not force her. I leave that as her choice, whatever makes her happy. At the end of the day, it is her happiness that is what matters to me the most. Definitely, I will be upset !! But you cannot change destiny, can you?"
Well, I agree with Neil. Sometimes our life, our character, our behavior is ruled by destiny. So what can I wish for Neil? Will Neil & Stephanie be together forever? May be yes--when two hearts want to be together, when two hearts melt for each other, who can stop? Will the Almighty be cruel & rude to them, if their love/like is pure? I leave that upto my Lord & my readers to comment on....
(To be continued.....)
Gaurav first of all I applaud you for your wonderful attempt to pen down the intricacies that grapple human hearts, but I have some observations to make, particularly about Neil.In the first place, what i find a lit weird is when Neil said that "in the back of the mind I intend to desire her". This line irritated me so much as I read it that i actually wanted to snap at him, because why did he have to think of "desire", instead of thinking " I wanted to develop feelings for her." Do I hear a tinge of lust in neil's voice at such an early stage when he just had a crush on her but decided not to intrude as she was already involved with somebody else? If so I strongly object. The desire factor again cropped up on their date as Neil kept on thinking about her and to put it in your precise words , he thought "Of course, my eyes must have told her, that I am very much interested in her--to know her more, to desire her & to love her!!" Here also I see love comes only next to desire. Secondly, as you have pointed to your readers that Neil is a Protestant while Stephanie is a Catholic but somehow you just made a small mistake by making Stephanie declare that how her father was not going to accept a "Roman Catholic as his son-in-law". I am sure you are going to take note of this.Thirdly, your Neil switched to fashion from software for "more money, better lifestyle" , but what about passion? Had it been for his love for fashion it would seem plausible but if a man changes his job just for "greener pastures" how can a girl repose her trust in him? Who knows if he at all will stop looking for "greener pastures" in his personal life too? I feel your Neil is very much confused, on one hand he lets his brain take the decisions but on the other side he profesesses his love for a girl whom he has not yet understood fully. However i like the fact that for him the girl's happiness matters the most and it is this precise point which indeed makes him a positive person. Nonetheless he needs to bring stabilility in himself, gather his thoughts together before he decides to take this plunge of marriage with stephanie.I wish both neil and Stephanie (though you have not revealed much about her) a happy life ahead irrespective of whether God keeps them together or decides to part their ways.
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